evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
