I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
