glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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