I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
