Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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