You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
