I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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