these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
