I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
