dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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