rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
