That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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