I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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