FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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