I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
