So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
