your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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