Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
