so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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