So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
