you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
