If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
