Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
