So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
