you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
