this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
