Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
