Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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