looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She bit a glass in half.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
