so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
