so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
