just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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