I accidentally had phone sex last night
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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