All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
