Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
