There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My penis needs a shock collar
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
