Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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