I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
