Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My dick has a subreddit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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