omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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