Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
