I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
