so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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