my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
