I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
