then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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