the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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