I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
