what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
