I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
