I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
