Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
