Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
