do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
