her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
