i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
